We OD’d the dog.
Cubby the magic mutt was supposed to get one sedative pill before his visit to the vet yesterday. He’s a nervous guy, especially around the ominous sterility of the doctor’s office and creepy paper-sheathed exam table. So he pops a chill pill. (We should all be so lucky.)
An hour before his appointment, I dipped a tablet in peanut butter, tricking him into swallowing the large pill. It’s an anti-anxiety med made for, get this, humans over age 25. It’s called Trazodone and it’s prescribed for any “stressful event.” I am seriously considering stealing a couple.
Then this: Minutes later, my sister-in-law, unaware her dog was already medicated, gave him another Trazodone. Within a half hour, it was clear: Cubby was cooked.
A smallish dog covered in gray curls, Cubby suddenly looked heartbreakingly lost, a Who-what-where am I? expression on his Ewok face. Dazed and confused, he started lurching and stumbling in slow-motion, like a wagon with a wobbly wheel, or Dean Martin.
His eyes little pinwheels, he looked like Joe Cocker on his first acid trip. He furrowed his brows and those eyes filled with vacant perplexity.
He tottered up the stairs and onto the low bed, where he looked around wondering what was going on. His wet-noodle limbs did him no favors. He was a fuzzy stumblebum. He followed me into the bathroom and tried to leap atop the closed toilet but slipped and fell on his butt onto the floor, where he remained, shrugging, Whateva.
It was an unnerving spectacle. I felt at once bad for and envious of the doped dog. This was some drug. Trazodone is also an anti-depressant and off-label is used as “a hypnotic to initiate sleep.” (Seriously. I’m taking some. Shhh.)
And why did Cubby need this mega-med? He was going to the vet to get his nails clipped (really?) and to have his anal glands “expressed,” or emptied (really!). You know it’s time for that undignified procedure when your animal starts scooting across the floor, sphincter in the carpet, sliding like he’s on wheels.
Cubby survived the vet visit. Of course, he was baked, so maybe he even enjoyed it. The doctor said it would take 12 hours for the pills to wear off and for his expression to stop resembling Cheech and Chong’s.
By night, the dog wore a look of blissed bewilderment. He passed out. There he was, zonked on his back, legs sticking straight in the air like an overturned table. Gone.
2 thoughts on “When the pup popped pills”
Hilarious. I can relate in so many ways.
Nails – I clipped Lexi’s nails once, struck the quick. Blood all over the floor and she has not forgotten.
Drug 1 – Gordon Setters are notorious for having drooping eyes when sleepy. Tranks enhance the effect.
Drug 2 – Reminds me of the one time a friend baked a pan of “brownies” and we took a drive to the top of Mt. Tam to eat. I didn’t know that the effects are delayed when eaten so I ate just about the whole pan. I woke up (sort of) the next day.
Dean Martin – Nothing like a good martini. Are you dating yourself.
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As a fellow dog person, I’m glad you relate. Your Setters are beauts, immaculate hound doggies, photogenic to a fault. And Mt. Tam! That brings back memories. It’s been a long time, though I unfortunately never had the brownie bonus. And with Dean Martin, well, he’s quite a bit before my time! Thanks, Paulie, for checking in. Look forward to your next post! Cubby does too.
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