Uber ride, über-terror

What do you do when your Uber driver is apparently psychotic?

I had one of those rare trips from hell yesterday in a ride-share Jeep Cherokee, a 30-minute voyage of carelessness, irresponsibility and stinkiness, many near-swerves off the road, hacking coughs, phone call-making, improper mask wearing, etc. It was a real white-knuckler. I would have stunt-rolled out the door, one of my specialities, but we were on the freeway and, besides, I was on a clock.

After shambling out of the vehicle, I reported my experience to Uber, feeling like the playground tattle-tale, but about an issue of life and death. I wrote: “erratic and distracted driving, possibly intoxicated, wore a ratty old face mask that he slipped off his nose repeatedly, and filled the car with scary, raucous coughing.”

I didn’t mention the unbearable stench of Marlboro smoke and the man’s sub-hobo appearance, or that he was fidgeting like a mangy dog (or a meth-head), with barely one hand on the wheel. The only time I piped up was to exclaim “Dude!” when he about crashed into a guardrail doing 70 for the umpteenth time. Did I mention he came this close to rear-ending a shiny burgundy Honda?

A little miffed and rattled, I rated the driver two stars, which is “bad,” only because the one star “terrible” rating looked so harsh. After all, he did deliver me to my destination, though neither of us exchanged a customary “thank you.” He can only dream I tipped him for that fright ride, that possibly infectious (Covid!) and deadly ride. Now that I think about it, I should have pressed “terrible.”

When you rate a driver that low, Uber asks for a report from the aggrieved, which I noted above. They were quick to refund the $27 ride and assure me, “We are investigating this situation further to evaluate whether or not the driver will continue to have access to the Uber app” 

Oh, crap. Did I just get this driver fired? The whole thing is unpleasant and could get ugly. I don’t feel too bad for the guy — he kinda sucks — but I don’t want that much negative power. I hope they straighten it out, that he was just having a bad day, that he wasn’t driving under the influence, and that he has a super Christmas. (Also that he takes a shower, quits smoking, goes to driver’s ed and does something about those crazy jitters.) 

I’m trying not to be flip here, but it’s all out of my hands, and for all I know he destroyed me on my rating (drivers, of course, being able to rate riders, too). 

But, really, what’s he going to get me for — leaving deep fingernail marks of naked terror on the armrests?