Two songs from the early ‘80s are banging about my brain and I can’t purge, flush or exterminate them. I go to bed with them, and they alternate, like an A-side and a B-side. And I wake with them, wailing away while I brush my teeth, shower, get dressed, make coffee. Such are pesky earworms, those maddeningly sticky tunes that get jammed in your head like taffy to teeth.
I won’t name the songs, because they’re obscure hard rockers that long ago went poof in the annals of music history. They’re sort of embarrassing. (Heard of the defunct bands Violation or Vandenberg? Thought not.)
Yet somehow my teenage lizard brain fished out these tunes from the primordial goo of the ’80s and decided it would be nostalgic fun to hear them over and over again. The songs are notable for dynamic drums, which as a fledgling drummer I studiously emulated. (I still enjoy the drums on both tracks, but they don’t inspire me as they used to. Feh, I say now. I can do that.)
So my head burrowed into the random past and found these songs, and now I can’t shake them. It’s been a full week and they won’t go away. I finally listened to them on Apple Music, a grave mistake that merely branded them further into my brain.
Earworms can be joyful or torturous. Classic torments are the Chili’s “Baby Back Ribs Jingle” and anything by Barry Manilow. Happy ones are, say, the Chili Peppers or anything by Abba. I’m spit-balling here.
My vexing earworms fall between good and evil, the gray zone that’s almost worse than flat-out terrible. Earworms — that’s what they call ‘em. But these are more like ear boa constrictors. They suffocate you before they devour you. Whole.
GNASHING. 